When a longtime member or donor dies, the first piece of mail their spouse gets from you is a test. If it says “Mr. and Mrs. Robert Chen” three weeks after the funeral, you’ve hurt someone who has supported you for years, and they’ll remember it. Getting the addressee right in Altru is part data hygiene and part etiquette. This guide covers both.
Start with the person, not the record
There is no single correct way to address a widow or widower. Traditional etiquette says a widow may keep “Mrs. Robert Chen” for life, and many older supporters prefer exactly that. Others want “Mrs. Linda Chen” or simply “Linda Chen.” Some widowers want nothing changed beyond dropping the “and.” Guessing is how mistakes happen.
So the most reliable practice is to ask, gently and once. A short handwritten condolence note from the director or membership manager can include a line like “We’d like to make sure our records reflect how you’d prefer to be addressed.” If you have a relationship manager for that household, a phone call is better. Record the answer in a note on the constituent record so nobody has to ask twice.
Until you hear back, a safe default is the surviving spouse’s own full name with their preferred title, for example “Mrs. Linda Chen” and salutation “Dear Mrs. Chen” (or “Dear Linda” if that’s how your organization already writes to them).
What to update in Altru
The exact screens vary by how your database was set up, so treat this as a checklist of areas rather than a click path.
1. Mark the deceased constituent as deceased
Mark the record deceased with the date of death if you know it. This is the step that should keep the person out of most mailings and queries, provided your queries and communications actually filter on deceased status. Many older queries don’t. It’s worth checking your main mailing, renewal, and appeal queries now to confirm they exclude deceased constituents.
2. Review the household and spouse relationship
Look at the household and the spouse relationship between the two records. Decide whether the household stays as-is (with one deceased member) or whether the surviving spouse should now stand on their own. Organizations handle this differently, and how Altru treats household names and household-level addressees after one member is marked deceased depends on your configuration. Don’t assume the household name updates itself. Open the household afterward and look at what it actually shows.
3. Fix the surviving spouse’s addressee and salutation
On the surviving spouse’s constituent record, review the name formats used for addressee and salutation. Any joint format (“Mr. and Mrs.”, “Robert and Linda Chen”) needs to be replaced with an individual format that reflects their stated preference. If the preference doesn’t fit any of your standard formats, use a custom or edited format rather than forcing the closest option.
4. Check memberships
A dual or household membership may list the deceased as a member. Decide on a policy: most organizations let the membership run to its expiration with the surviving spouse as primary, then offer an individual or dual level at renewal without pressure. Remove or update the deceased member card so the spouse isn’t handed a card with their late partner’s name at the gate.
5. Leave giving history alone
Past gifts and recognition credit should stay where they are. Don’t move the deceased person’s revenue onto the spouse’s record to “clean things up.” If your recognition or donor listings combine the couple, decide how they should appear going forward. Many families appreciate seeing both names for a gift that was made together.
Catch the mail that’s already in motion
The most common failure isn’t the record itself. It’s the mailing that was pulled last week. After a death notice comes in:
- Ask whoever runs appeals and renewals whether any list was exported or sent to a mail house recently, and pull the household if possible.
- Check scheduled or automated emails and renewal reminders that may still be addressed to the couple.
- Flag the constituent with an attribute or note your team recognizes (for example, “recently bereaved”) so staff know to be careful for the next few months.
Write the policy once
Decisions like these get made differently by every staff member unless someone writes them down. A one-page procedure is enough. It should cover who records a death, which records get touched, the default addressee until preference is known, how joint memberships are handled, and who sends the condolence note. Put it wherever your team keeps data entry standards and review it once a year.
Quick answers
Should I delete the deceased constituent?
No. Deleting removes giving history, membership history, and relationships that matter for recognition and for the surviving family. Mark the record deceased instead.
Will Altru update the spouse’s addressee automatically?
Don’t count on it. Behavior depends on how your name formats and households are configured. Test it on a sandbox or a pair of test records first, and if you’re unsure, ask Blackbaud support how your version handles it.
Is “Mrs. John Smith” outdated?
For some people, yes. For others, it’s exactly what they want. That’s why asking matters more than any rule.
